


Wildflower

by hellkaiserryose (ManicPixieDreamPharaoh)



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: 4810, M/M, Philosophy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 09:01:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10987689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManicPixieDreamPharaoh/pseuds/hellkaiserryose
Summary: Inspired byAsmaanixx'swork because I can't stop.My apologies if anything brushes too close to that fic, it's lingering in my head.Title is from Wildflower - Beach House.





	Wildflower

Johan’s eyes were closed lightly, his skin cool in the summer air. 

He could feel the wind blowing his hair gently, as fingers stroked repetitively along his palm and traced down his fingers. 

“What are you thinking about, Judai?” he asked softly, shifting his shoulders towards him and opening his eyes. 

Judai looked at him, his eyes hung with a weight that Johan was slowly beginning to realise came out often. 

It was a guarded weight, like Judai was carrying a burden all by himself, but it was growing too heavy.

He didn’t want to burden it upon other people, but maybe, maybe he just didn’t feel that he could.

Johan wiggled his fingers when Judai’s stopped moving against them, and smiled faintly when the movements began again. 

They were on the roof again, Johan was sure that Judai wanted it to be ‘their place’ but didn’t want to say it. 

Johan thought it already was. 

“Do you ever think about the meaning of life?” 

Johan hadn’t expected those exact words, his eyes widened slightly, but he waited for Judai to continue. 

“Sometimes I just- I feel like i’m going nowhere. I have my dream, of course. But I don’t… it’s an achievable thing. Once i’m there, then what? Does it count for anything? What do I do with the rest of my time here?” 

Johan loved that Judai thought of this. He couldn’t voice the thought, it was too early, but he adored knowing that Judai thought about these things. 

He parted his lips to speak, once he thought Judai had finished. 

“Sorry- forget I said anything.” he chuckled lightly, averted his eyes, and sat up, pulling Johan’s hand onto his thigh and holding it. 

 

Sometimes, Judai made him sad. 

He spoke like somebody who was learning behaviour. Like somebody who had almost been warned enough times to not touch something hot, and if it only happened a few more times, he would stop touching it altogether. 

Johan wondered if this was what kept Judai awake at night, or if there was more. 

He suspected the latter.

He’d spoken with Sho a few times, and Sho had described Judai as a simple guy. Someone who breezed through his life as a light for everyone else - he had called him the sun, and it unsettled Johan. 

Johan didn’t think that it was true. Judai was as complex as anybody else, if not more. 

He could act goofy, but that said nothing for how deep his thoughts could be. 

Johan thought of Judai’s mind as a dark lake that he would love to swim through, loved that he occupied some of the space there.

He sat up and bumped his shoulder against the other boy’s softly, squeezed his hand back and felt the tiny shards of ice in his knuckles melt. 

He didn’t want to address Judai attempting to change the subject, instead, he looked across the island and simply spoke.

“I think that the meaning of life is to love. Nothing more, nothing less.” 

He paused, and Judai interrupted. 

  
“I don’t think i’ve ever been… in love, though. What if I never am?”

Johan smiled at him, liked that he was asking questions, squeezed his fingers again to indicate that, “I don’t mean, in a romantic sense. Of course, that’s important too, it’s often the strongest. But love is… something more. Everything happens because of love. Parents raise small children to love games, colours, animals, Children love with so much ferocity that it can evolve into their entire lives. People love their friends and help them through everything, they hold each other’s hands and fight back against the bad times, even if theyre caused by something impossible to fight. Families, and friends, and lovers.” he said, and had to try to stay focused, thought about how little of that love he had felt before he met his real family. 

“Judai, I think that we’re all here to put as much love out into the world as we can. Nothing else will remain, not even the crumbs of the dust of our bones, not even our names, not even our consciousness, I think. But our love, love can reach into every corner of the cosmos, it can brush its fingers along the stars and the earth and the galaxies love us too. We pass our love into future generations, whether they’re our own children or not, and they pass it onto their future generations as well.

“The Crystal Beasts will most likely choose another duelist once i’m gone, and they’ll remember how I loved them, and how they loved me, and it’ll evolve into a newer, deeper love. If the spirits are immortal, their love must be the strongest of all, because we take what we love with each person, and use it in every other love we have from there.” He murmured, glancing at the deck in his duel disk. 

He didn’t want to hesitate, didn’t want Judai to hear any uncertainty in his words, because he believed this with all of his heart, and speaking the words out loud was the easiest way for him to express the love he already felt for this boy. 

“And I think that, people like us, who have lived kind of lonely lives, it’s our job to build love for ourselves. We get to decide what love is, and how it works. We get to choose what is okay. People take it for granted more often than not, and we can choose to receive better than that. Love isn’t something one-sided, and people who don’t feel it back, we don’t have to waste it on.”

He stopped talking when Judai’s head dropped onto his shoulder, his thumb moving against Johan’s hand. 

 

He looked at him, at his soft hair that bounced around his head, and tilted his head to lean against it, let his lips plant a soft kiss against it. 

“You’re very smart, Johan.” He paused, “Thank you.”

Judai’s words were simple, but Johan could hear the genuine appreciation, the gratitude at his openness.

He knew that Judai was thinking about it, and that he hadn’t yet thought of an appropriate response.

Johan squeezed his hand tenderly. 

“I think that I know what love feels like.” Judai said quietly, after a few quiet moments where Johan lost himself in his milky thoughts.

“Mm?” Johan murmured softly, kissing his hair once more. 

“Yeah.” Judai mumbled, his head growing heavier on Johan’s shoulder, his fingers curling tighter around Johan’s, “I really, think that I do.” 


End file.
